Paul: Denny will ask the questions. If you [Alan] try to ask the witness anything, you will be fired. Alan: There`s a legal term for that. Oh yes, «ooooo» Denny Crane: Not just any kazoo. A trombone zoo. Un go-to-New Orleans-under-the-pretext-of-some-legal-case-to-play-with-a-Dixie-land-band kazoo. Alan Shore: My best friend has Alzheimer`s disease, uh, very early on, it`s not. He is a great lover of life and will be for a while. I believe that even if his mind really starts to go away, he will still fish, he will laugh and love, and as it progresses, he will still want to live, because there will be value for him, in a friendship, in a cigar. The truth is that I don`t think he will ever come to me and tell me that this is the day I want to die, but the day is coming and he won`t know. This is perhaps the most insidious thing about Alzheimer`s disease. But you see, he trusts me that I know when that day has come, he trusts me; to protect one`s dignity, heritage and self-respect.
He trusts me to prevent his ending from becoming a piece of useless porridge, and I will. It will be unbearably painful. Thing for me, but I`m going to do it because I love it. I will end his suffering because it is the only decent human and loving thing a person can do. Denny Crane: I don`t know if you know, but few men take the time every day to drink a cigar and a glass of Scotch to talk to their best friend. This is not something that most men have. Shirley Schmidt: [to Alan Shore] Since I`m your boss, I can`t reciprocate your sexual jokes, but I`ll note for the record that if I looked for a rattle, it would be younger. It would look better. He would be different from a narcissist who hates himself with a dwarf fetish, and judging by what I saw in the mirror when I first walked in, he would be *bigger*. A lot.
Alan Shore: Last week`s small pan welding customer, he beat another. He promised me he wouldn`t. Alan Shore: People are giving up newspapers for the Internet, where instead of relying on accredited journalists, they turn to these bloggers. a kind of entry-level life forms that have not yet emerged intellectually from the primordial mud. Alan Shore: Well, I`m used to opting for jury cancellation in these situations. Convincing the jury to focus on morale, not legal, but here it makes no difference! What I did was unethical, immoral, illegal. Denny Crane: [Denny keeps Alan from his night terrors so he sleeps with him in bed] [in his sleep] Denny Crane. Denny Crane Denny Crane Alan Shore: There`s a legal term for that. Ah, yes, «Oooooh.» Alan Shore: Damn! Stand up! (He pulls violently on the rope. Denny is pulled from the bed on the floor] Happy? [stands] Wolfgang Blitzkrieg: Wolfgang Blitzkrieg, mit dem besten politische Nachrichtenteam im Fernsehen. [Denny, Tara and Lori in Denny`s office when Denny loads a gun and prepares to save Alan from a gunman who is holding him hostage right outside the door of Denny`s office] Denny Crane: What I give you, what I share, I don`t do with anyone else.
I like to think that what you give me, you don`t do with anyone else. Well, that may sound silly to you. But here`s what I find silly, the idea that jealousy or fidelity is reserved for romance. I always suspected that there was a connection between you and this man. That you got something you didn`t get from me. Alan Shore: [Speaks to the lawyer] Apple`s trash can is picked by God. Denny Crane: Let me tell you something. When you have polar ice caps melting and breaking down into big chunks, and you have Osama, who is always hiding in a cave, planning his next attack when you have other rogue nations with nuclear arsenals, and not to mention crazy work that is self-developed that can break you at any time and if you. Mad cow disease is now becoming a high priority. And if you`re still on the balcony on a clear night drinking scotch with your best friend, now that`s it.
Alan Shore: So they came to you to improve their relationship, and now one wants to kill the other. It`s not your best job, is it, doctor? Tags Alan Shore quotes the best quotes denny crane Boston Legal quotes Boston Legal TV show quotes denny crane quotes egomaniacal, sexually voracious, prone to malapropisms: These are just some of the ways to describe Denny Crane, the successful lawyer played by William Shatner in five seasons of the legal drama ABC Boston Legal from 2004 to 2008. In the following seasons, Denny evolved into a cartoon along with the rest of the series, but at first he was always ready for a clever joke. Here`s a look at the best quotes from Denny Crane. Alan Shore: Actually, Your Honour, since our last meeting, I have changed my name from Shoop to Shore. I thought that since it`s already on my driver`s license and passport, not to mention all the pleadings before you – although I would never suspect you`d read pleadings, they of course are. Denny Crane: [Several lawyers in the firm pass in front of a crowd of journalists] Denny Crane, Trix are for children. Denny Crane, Coo-Coo for cocoa puffs. Wolfgang Blitzkrieg: [On television]. With the best political news team ever assembled at the Hist – [TV is off] Denny Crane: You know, the best part of my weddings was always on the first day.
Alan Shore: Probably. But my God, what I get from you, Denny. People walk around today, calling everyone their best friend. The term no longer has any real meaning. Simple acquaintances are covered with hugs and kisses at a second or third meeting, birthday cards are dealt out in offices so that everyone can scribble a touch of sentimentality for a colleague they have barely met, and everyone loves everyone. If you tell someone you love them today, they won`t hear much. I love you Denny, you are my best friend. I can`t imagine going through life without you as my best friend.
However, I will not kiss you. Alan Shore: I have an instinctive feeling, it`s my best shot. Alan Shore: Judge, I can`t be held responsible for what I do with straight lines that are grafted right above the plate. Denny Crane: I`ll discuss it myself. Ban red meat. This cannot happen to constitutional mustard. Alan Shore: Do you know what I miss most about our country, Denny? Not so much the loss of our civil rights, but our compassion, our soul, our humanity. Alan Shore: One for you, one for you. I have a lot of them. Hit him hard now. For you and for you.
11- Denny Crane: «Most of the cranes in my family were flamingos.» Denny Crane: Lighten up, man. Well, you got caught in a skirt? What do you say? Alan Shore: Get up, Denny. We go to the toilet. Denny Crane: Can I express a thought because I have one so rarely, and I should start by saying that I`m so high up in big business that I see the world as a huge colon. Alan Shore: [hears two colleagues arguing] You both had sex! Shirley Schmidt: My God, we have the fastest water cooler in town. I feel like a fool. 20- Alan Shore: «I may not be able to speak as fast, but my language is more versatile» Alan Shore: [between] What have you done now? Carl Sack: Gee, I can`t say. [ – gestures in the direction of the cameras and the audience – ] That would break, uh, the wall.
Peter Barrett: Is there something wrong? Denny Crane: That`s just not the case. A woman knows these things. Believe me. Alan Shore: Could we say two-thirty and take time for both? Alan Shore: [laugh] I think «homosexual» is a word, judge. But to avoid confusion, let`s say «gay.» Judge Harvey Cooper: [smiles] It won`t work either. They will judge this case. Alan Shore: She had all the most delicious qualities you could hope for. Creativity, desire, fanaticism, beautiful collarbone, healthy lack of inhibitions. Dominick Ryan: Well, they have a whole campaign, they`re going to follow. They plan to promote summer sports as the seafood capital of the world. Alan Shore: [Alan talks to the jury about water pollution].
What is our greatest fear? The dirty bomb. Not dirty water!. Shirley Schmidt: There are four. I am a partner by name and I do not have to explain myself to you – underlined. Alan Shore: Only if I plead guilty, which of course is unacceptable. I have to worry about a law on the three strikes as I plan to commit future crimes. Denny Crane: Ah, forget it. If anyone knows how to be a fool, it`s Denny Crane. • Excerpt from «BL: Los Angeles» (Season 2): Trying to convince Shirley Schmidt to kiss her: «Shirley! I am 70 years old. I`m still a physical specimen, but you never know. What if one day I fell dead? You`ve never had the last almond brush. Alan Shore: [watching the fights] Gee, Joe seems to have friends. Paul Lewiston: You`re going to sit at the court table because your sudden absence would send a strange message to the jury that could jeopardize our case, but Denny will ask the questions.
If you try to ask the witness for anything, you will be fired. Melissa Hughes: [to Alan Shore, via Chelina Hall] Don`t fall in love with her, Alan. She`s just a guest star. Alan Shore: I`m going to judge the case, but at the end of the day, I need someone to stand in front of the jury and say, «Let the man go.» Denny Crane: I was there. Well, I flew over my Gulf Stream. Doesn`t that matter? Alan Shore: I just got married. It`s great. But for me, there was nothing more devastating than being married for a while. Denny Crane: I`m not afraid of death, I`ve never done it. But I`m afraid of being plugged into a machine.
Would you like to live like this? Denny Crane: It`s a good feeling to shoot a villain. Something you Democrats would never understand. American. We are homesteaders, we want a safe home, keep the money we earn and shoot the bad guys. Alan Shore as Jerry You know that I have a huge affection for my own intelligence, and even I think you are smarter than me. Alan Shore: You`ve ever wondered if you and I are there? Denny Crane: Do you think married people can stay in love? 16- Alan Shore: «Why is it so important for everyone to stay honest?» • Excerpt from «Finding Nimmo» (Season 2): Encourage Alan to go fishing with him: «We have to go into the forest and touch each other.